


Ducks

by CaspianTheGeek (DemonicGeek)



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Aziraphale is a bastard, Aziraphale loves Crowley, Crack Fic, Crowley loves Aziraphale, Drinking, Drunk Shenanigans, Ducks, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:49:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25280395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonicGeek/pseuds/CaspianTheGeek
Summary: This is simply a crack fic in which Crowley gets drunk and thinks he is a duck.No, I'm not overly sure how this happened either. Crowley certainly isn't. Aziraphale is just done with both of us.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 58





	Ducks

**Author's Note:**

> Fic dedicated to @EzraFallen on twitter for making me laugh so very much at the idea of Crowley thinking he was a duck.

Aziraphale was of course aware the cell phone Crowley had bought him was buzzing. However, he was far more interested in the new book he had acquired and had settled in with his cocoa. 

Still, he was surprised Crowley hadn’t barged through the door and interrupted his reading time. The demon spent the night here more often than not and they had started discussions on him moving in. Or perhaps getting a nice cottage together. 

Still, Crowley had more reliable methods of getting into contact with Aziraphale if it was important, so Aziraphale ignored the occasional buzzing noise as he continued reading. 

The sun was well up when Aziraphale put the book down with a smile. It was then he turned to the phone, picking it up and noticing the eighteen missed calls, all from A.J. Crowley. 

He felt a slight bit of guilt and hit play with trepidation. The first message was normal enough. Crowley had invited him for an evening out. Aziraphale felt a twinge of regret that he’d stayed in, but only a small one. There would be plenty more evenings with Crowley and he’d truly needed the recharge time. 

The second message Aziraphale felt a twinge of concern. Crowley was explaining a new drink he was trying called Holy Water. It apparently was Monster Energy mixed with Everclear and glitter. It sounded mostly harmless, though disgusting thought Aziraphale. 

The third message, Crowley had clearly tried the drink. His voice was sped up a bit but slurred. He was telling Aziraphale he loved him. Aziraphale couldn’t help but smile. He kept that message. 

The messages got more worrisome from there. Crowley was talking faster and faster, but the words were becoming less coherent. There were quite a few I love yous, a couple “so I accepted a dare” statements, and at least one where he just quacked and laughed. Aziraphale sighed and rolled his eyes. 

The final message sounded like Crowley was under water. And he was asking for a ride home from the aquarium. 

Aziraphale glances at his watch. Not quite 8am. If he got his demon out now, perhaps no one would notice the man shaped being most likely in one of the tanks. 

Aziraphale closed his eyes and a moment later he was indeed standing in front of an aquarium tank that Crowley was floating in the middle of. Aziraphale waved and the answering smile on Crowley’s face was almost worth whatever mess this was. 

A moment later Crowley was crawling out of the tank and he landed in a somewhat wet puddle in front of Aziraphale. He shouted the angel’s name and dove for a hug. 

Aziraphale of course would never turn down a hug but he sighed as he made a mental note that once sober Crowley was most definitely going to need to miracle the muck from his jacket. 

“Shall I transport us home, dear?”

Crowley’s face was horrified. “No! I called you so we could go for a walk. Look outside, isn’t it beautiful? I was watching from the water. The fish were really talkative. Telling me about the humans. I want to go see the humansssss." Crowley's voice trailed off into a hiss as he took off towards the door.

Crowley was out the door to the aquarium, thankfully still empty, twirling in circles as he walked. Aziraphale followed, bemused. Crowley was spinning and laughing and Aziraphale really was wondering what else had been in the alcohol he'd consumed. No matter, it would wear off with time and he'd keep watch over him until it did. Aziraphale caught up as Crowley approached a small duck pond and stared at the ducks.

Crowley looked up, wide eyed. "Aziraphale am I a duck?"

"No, dear."

There was a young man feeding the ducks at the pond. "You sure about that? You may be a duck. Do you like bread?"

Crowley turned his head looking at Aziraphale. "I do like bread."

The young man grinned. "Might be a duck after all then." He tossed the last of his seed to the waiting ducks and walked away.

Crowley was still looking at the pond pensievely. "Might be a duck."

Aziraphale laughed. "Crowley, you're not a duck."

To Aziraphale's horror, Crowley started to cry and then sputtered out "But why not?"

Aziraphale looked down at the crying demon at his feet. "Do you want to be a duck, dear?"

Crowley seemed to think it over for a minute before looking back up at Aziraphale. "Course not. I'm a snake."

"That's right. Dear, do you think you may be able to sober up?" While this had been amusing, Aziraphale was starting to get concerned.

"Ducks can't sober up." Crowley said morosely.

Aziraphale rolled his eyes. "Alright, Crowl-"

That was when Crowley let out a quack. Then before Aziraphale knew what was going on, his wings appeared.

A teenager nearby remarked that they looked cool and Aziraphale was torn between admiration and nervousness. He did a quick miracle to make both of them unnoticeable. Crowley was standing now, wandering the edge of the duck pond and for a moment Aziraphale was concerned he would jump in.

"For Heaven's sake, Crowley, you are not a duck!"

Crowley turned to him, his voice small. "But I have wings?"

Aziraphale began to mutter to himself as Crowley began a complicated ritual of crying, quacking, and hiccuping. Somehow he ended up back on the ground again and Aziraphale was just relieved he was not in the duck pond.

Aziraphale looked at the mess of a demon in front of him and suddenly had a dawning realization. He materialized his wings. "Crowley. Ducks follow the mama duck, right?" 

Crowley nodded sadly.

"Alright then, let's follow the mama duck. Come on with you now."

"Mama duck?"

"That's right, dear. See the white feathers?"

Crowley was reaching out a hand towards Aziraphale feathers and Aziraphale took a step staying just barely out of reach. Before long they were walking through the door to the bookshop and Aziraphale was closing it with a relieved sigh. 

Crowley was swaying on his feet. "A-'ziraphale. I don't feel so good."

"What did you have?"

"Er. They called it Holy Water."

For the first time Aziraphale was genuinely concerned. Surely if Crowley had had actual Holy Water... he wouldn't be so calm on his feet. Still there may have been some residual blessing to it. "Crowley dear, I'm going to need to sober you up. I know I don't usually, but I'm a bit worried. Is that alright?"

Crowley nodded. A moment later he was swaying but then he was staggering with sudden sobriety.

Aziraphale was looking at him, measuring. "I'm rather certain of the answer, but you didn't drink any actual Holy Water did you?"

"Do I look like an angel to you?"

Well, at least his sense of sarcasm was intact. Aziraphale raised an eyebrow. "I thought you looked rather like a duck."

Crowley stared at him and then there was a look of dawning realization as Aziraphale realized the recent memories were hitting. "Oh fuck."

"Don't you mean duck?"

Crowley's voice was small again. "Sorry, 'ziraphale."

Aziraphale hummed, and tried to pretend anger. But he could only hold the look for a moment taking in the pitiful look in the demon's eyes. He opened his arms and they were quickly filled with a still damp demon that was snuggling into them.

Aziraphale let Crowley get comfortable and let out a contended sigh. Then he spoke. "But we're going to have to see what you'll bargain for me to not post a video of you quacking in the park onto instagram."

Crowley froze in his arms, before letting out a defeated sigh. "Guess I deserved that."

"Quite."

\---

One Week Later

Crowley was staring at his phone, a look of abject horror upon his face. It wasn't the first time he was a viral sensation, but it was the most ridiculous.

"Angel, how could you! I did everything you asked! I even helped on taxes without cheating!"

Aziraphale glanced at the phone confused. "But I didn't, I only sent it to... Warlock. I thought it'd cheer him up. He's been missing you lately."

Crowley muttered. "You can see my wings."

Aziraphale glanced at the comments section then grinned. "It seems they want to know how you made them. They're very life-like."

Crowley made a series of inaudible noises.

Aziraphale looked at him. "Does this mean you're done playing with Holy Water?"

Crowley simply nodded.

Aziraphale couldn't let him be sad for too long, he pulled him into his arms for a kiss. The phone fell to the floor and was forgotten.


End file.
